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Anxiety and skies
Oct. 9th, 2023 10:20 pmThere is so much going on now that I'm having to pull myself together and try to focus my crazy, disorganized energy to keep my anxiety under control. One technique I'm using is just scaling everything down. Yes, there are a bunch of things that need to be done. I cut out everything that doesn't have to be done (or that I am not unwilling to not do) and then just do a little bit of those ongoing tasks. Of course, I have to see a few doctors over the next few days, but I can manage it. I'm already walking every day anyway, so it is just my walk going a different direction.
One thing I may need to do is not listen to audio books every time I go for a walk. One of the books I'm listening to is very well-regarded, but just like the previous well-written book, the main characters have no agency. I find those kinds of stories unpleasant. Like the previous one, the main characters are young. I cannot wait for it to be over. However, I told a friend that I would read it, so I want to do that. If it wasn't an audio book, I would never have made it this far. However, it means that I am only excited about listening to it, because I want it to be done. That probably isn't making me happier. The other book I am listening to is The Moonstone, which is very long. I liked it for a while, but the narrator of the section that I was in became so irrational that I started dreading listening. This is another story that I am just waiting to finish. I expect that I will be glad to have consumed them, but they are not fun to consume. Maybe I'll only listen to one story a day to keep my dread down, as opposed to one chapter of each. All of the audio books that are on my list after this (for now) are non-fiction. Maybe it will be more pleasant to listen to a history of Vietnam, stoicism, or the Belle Epoque in Paris.
Painting has been going well. I think I'm getting closer to figuring out what works. I didn't like most of what I said yesterday that I would try. However, I wonder if I could try mixing purple and cobalt and underpainting the whole sheet of paper with that (getting lighter as I go toward the bottom). Or maybe I should just go with the colors that I think are right over white. I'll try it tomorrow. Now, it is time for bed.
One thing I may need to do is not listen to audio books every time I go for a walk. One of the books I'm listening to is very well-regarded, but just like the previous well-written book, the main characters have no agency. I find those kinds of stories unpleasant. Like the previous one, the main characters are young. I cannot wait for it to be over. However, I told a friend that I would read it, so I want to do that. If it wasn't an audio book, I would never have made it this far. However, it means that I am only excited about listening to it, because I want it to be done. That probably isn't making me happier. The other book I am listening to is The Moonstone, which is very long. I liked it for a while, but the narrator of the section that I was in became so irrational that I started dreading listening. This is another story that I am just waiting to finish. I expect that I will be glad to have consumed them, but they are not fun to consume. Maybe I'll only listen to one story a day to keep my dread down, as opposed to one chapter of each. All of the audio books that are on my list after this (for now) are non-fiction. Maybe it will be more pleasant to listen to a history of Vietnam, stoicism, or the Belle Epoque in Paris.
Painting has been going well. I think I'm getting closer to figuring out what works. I didn't like most of what I said yesterday that I would try. However, I wonder if I could try mixing purple and cobalt and underpainting the whole sheet of paper with that (getting lighter as I go toward the bottom). Or maybe I should just go with the colors that I think are right over white. I'll try it tomorrow. Now, it is time for bed.
